Oh Lord. Help me.

Oh Lord. I have sinned. Teach me oh Lord and show me what my earthly eyes cannot see. Show me Lord where I have erred. That I might learn much humility thru all these that you have put before me Lord. Mould me and shape me that I may be of use in your service, being an instrument for thy glory and for thy name sake Lord. Forgive me for im a wretched sinner. Forgive me for I have faultered along the way. And Lord, if there be any wicked way in me, cleanse me and purge me of all my unrighteousness Lord.

I come to thee on bended knee, asking you to even have mercy on me. That i will decrease while you increase Lord. And thank you for the many trials and testings that you have put in my way, that I may learn much from thy word Lord. That my life may be a living testimony for thee Lord.

Break me Lord. Mould me Lord. Use me Lord. I submit my all to thee. All praise and glory to thy name.

And Lord, thank you for blessing me with my honours year. May your name be praised!

My prayer.

Lord i pray that you would grant me much wisdom and understanding, and be gracious to me oh Lord. For i know i have sinned against thee and i ask thee to forgive me of all my sins. May you even grant me much peace that passeth all understanding, that i might be able to see your hand in all these.

I thank you for all the trials and testings that thou has sent my way. I thank you for even giving me such time of sweet fellowship with thee, that i may draw close to you and to love you more with each and every day that passes. Oh Lord, may you even grant me much wisdom and faith to trust in they loving care. To know that if you will Lord, thou will grant me a way. And grant us a way.

I trust in the path that you have laid for me. I know that you have whatever you have planned for me is the best for me and i continue to cling unto thy promises oh Lord. That through all these trials I may be moulded according to your will and that i may be used for the glorification of thy kingdom. Lord i Trust in your care and promises.

I pray oh Lord that thou grant me the desires of my heart and if you will oh Lord, may you even materialize my thoughts only if it can glorify thy name oh Lord. Lord i ask you to comfort me and to be close to me. And may i learn to rejoice for you know my heart Lord. And this Lord, i lay at thy feet. Help me oh Lord. Help me.

John 8

"[1] Jesus went unto the mount of Olives.[2] And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.[3] And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,[4] They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.[5] Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?[6] This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.[7] So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.[8] And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.[9] And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.[10] When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?[11] She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more." John 8:1-11

May we be constantly reminded that we are nothing but sinners, condemned and cursed into the Lake of EternalFire. But our Lord has been merciful to each and everyone of us. And despite our sinful nature, HE so lovingly has sent his son down to die for out sins. So may we continue to strive to be our best for him and not be man pleasers but only with the focus on pleasing our heavenly father, regardless of what man may say. To God be the glory in all that we do for him.

A True Warrior, Thats what I am.

Oh Lord, Forgive me. Teach me Lord humility..

A Renewed Spirit

Its been awhile since I have felt this way. Its nice and fuzzy. Clean and Pure. Filled with so much fun and laughter. Filled with so much hope for tomorrow. Its been awhile since i have experienced "Non-bickering" Conversations. Finally I can speak my mind and not worry what others might think about me. I feel very comfortable and I can just be myself.

"Truly Lord I thank you for all your mercies that you have showered upon me and for so many blessings bestowed on someone as low and unworthy as me. I thank HIM again for answering my prayers and I want to confess the many countless times where I grew weary and in a way lost sight and lost faith in our ALMIGHTY Lord. Thank you Lord for always being so gracious unto me and the only thing I can do is to live my life well pleasing and with much service for thee."

A chapter in my life has finally closed. Now i can sleep in peace knowing that I have done the best I can and yes if its not HIS will, I DO NOT want it also. Truly by praying and knowing the Lord through HIS Word, We pray according to HIS will and not our own wants and desires. Praying and after God's own heart. Yes People may talk, But thats what they do when they have nothing better to do but to poke their noses everywhere rather than looking themselves in the mirror and realising that if they talked about themselves, it would actually be more interesting after re-opening their cupboard full of skeletons. That would be nice. Dont bother trying to open my cupboard cuz theres nothing you are going to find there. Why not we open yours and perhaps something interesting might happen. Try me. Please. I WILL CONFRONT YOU. And you will not get away so easily (whoever you might be =) ). But more importantly, people shouldnt do that. Especially if they are God's people. So piss me off. IF Still waters does run deep, dude, i run even DEEPER =).

I believe that this is the Lord's will and i find peace in the many decisions I have made. The Lord works in wondrous ways and just when you least expect it, HE blesses us with so much. Overflowing Blessings from above. Now this and you, i will not let go. Not now Not ever. Promise promise. Always always.

Disassociation

I learnt somewhere that we retrieve our memories from the left brain which is the Logical brain. And that every memory is linked to a smell a sound and an emotion. Its like our memory plays like a "movie clip" and that every frame it has is linked to all three of these other aspects.

So every frame of our memory has an emotion linked to it. Say if we have been injured by a car which knocked us down, then everytime we see a car come towards us, the image of our memory of us being hit would trigger off an emotion which is linked to it. The only way to get over it is by so call retrieving this frame that triggers the emotion and deal with the emotion and maybe we might be able to conquer that setback we have faced.

Same thing applies to any memory. When we remember something happy, the emotion thats linked to that particular image plays and we feel happy. Likewise when we think of something upset, the image plays the emotion and we get upset.

I guess i have to deal with the frame in my memory and deal with it by talking about it. Then maybe only i can take away the emotion and replace it with something nice. Then perhaps I wont feel upset about whatever i may be upset or unhappy about. I need to disassociate now.

Ok so now im thinking about my 4X4 off-road vehicle. I cant wait to buy one and go expedition with my buddies to say Thailand or Malaysia by climbing sand dunes, rocky roads, mud tracks and even river crossings. I have decided to lead a life of fruitful adventure and expeditions. Maybe by thinking of that, i might be able to disassociate faster. Now im back at square one. The same feeling when i was going to sign up with the peace corps. I rather spend my time on something that gives me joy rather than on things that might get me hurt. Tired of being hurt. At least my Jeep protects me from getting hurt! Ok my piggy bank is already half way there!!!

Kübler-Ross Model Theory

Covered a whole semester on Psychology. Basically its more sport oriented and how athletes cope with circumstances. And i remember studying this particular one. Which i find has great links to the way we behave and think. N perhapds we might be able to apply this? maybe not? I dont really believe in this.. but it does sound belivable and accurate.. =)

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross came out introduced a model in the late 1960s after studying dying people especially those with terminal illnesses. It was called the " 5 Stages of grief". Just to let you know im at this point of time not refering to any references. I believe its correct lah. =)

The Five stages are listed as follows:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Since its based on dying people, I will be giving examples with regards to dying people. BUT we also see the similarity in the behaviours of those who have faced great losses and tragedy. So we do see this in our daily lives as well.

1. Denial - "Im feeling fine! But this cant be happening to me!!!"
2. Anger - ""Why me? It's not fair!" "NO! NO! How can you accept this!"
3. Bargaining - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years."
4. Depression - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"
5. Acceptance - "It's going to be OK."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

SO there you go. Just some examples on each single point of the model.

We do see such behaviour in ourselves dont we?

Recently a turn of events occured in this life of mine. Im not washing dirty laundry in public =). Seriously i never expected things to turn out this way. Not that i expected anything out of anything but i never did believe this would happen. Theres so much to say but then again. Maybe some things are better left unsaid and definitely not meant to be posted where people then start to judge and all. But yes im appauled by the turn of events. Not that i want to question but i always do. And that kinda makes it easier for the opposite party to relay the message across as people dont like to be put under pressure and that makes them irritated and agitated and all. This is already happened numerous times and I thought that i would be really affected by it but then again. I have yet to show signs of anything.

Just did not understand why things could turn and change so quickly. Without warning and without any tell tale signs. Well nothing is fair and we sometimes have to just accept things for the way they have somewhat progressed. But this really makes me feel very unhappy with myself. I wonder whats wrong with me and i wonder what is it that makes people tell me what im always told. I thought you said that this time things would be very different from the past that i have been through whenever i mention those happenings..but then again, things have developed in that direction. And the most fearsome part is that Im already so Numb by all these that i wonder if I myself still have feelings or emotions in Benjamin Kan anymore. I used to be different. And now im so different as well.

They say time heals all wounds. Time helps us to understand. I have already been out of a R/S for ages. Thought that i could move on with the new developments, but im back at square one now. And the worse part is that it came too sudden. Maybe I need to trust in the Lord more. But the thing is that i have been praying so so so hard. For me to seek HIS will and to grant me what he disires of me to desire. Everything felt so real. Correction, Everything was real. Maybe the real problem truly lies with me.

Oh Lord im tired im weary and im worn.. Hold my hand Lord. I still cant accept this change. Dont think i would ever. But just to make people happy we have to pretend to have already done that so perhaps they wont feel so bad. But I dare say now that Im never going to be able to accept this turn of events. The numbness really makes me afraid. Dont I care about anything anymore? If i am being punished for all the things i should not have done, then Lord help me to accept it. Lord help me to understand and if it is your will, you will make a way for it. =..........( you will right Lord?? you will right?!..... Make this all go away..Please Lord PLEASE....

"Life is just a stage"

Im getting quite sick and tired of people having to act and pretend that they are something they're not.

Its sickening to walk into a room full of people who think they are so great just because they think they deserve some sort of respect. Its sickening to be in the presence of people who think that they are the only ones putting in effort and the only ones who care. Its sickening to listen to people boasting about how much they have done over the period of time and making everyone feel that they have not done enough for that someone or for that particular situation. Im sick of people pretending to be all so caring when time is drawing nigh. Im sick of people saying things about me when they themselves are such bums themselves (as i have just learnt from someone recently!!! juicy news!!!) Im just sick of pretenders and actors. Im sick of people who are not genuine.

Why make yourself sound so magnanimous by wanting to gain praises from all to somewhat "show" the world that you are such a great person who is so responsible and all. Come on. These are the things that you should have done in the first place and you did not do at all. Its something like you OWE them these things. Its like you Owe me a hundred bucks. And you pay me back monthly. Do you go round telling people "Eh this month i give him $1o to buy food know..." but in true fact you are repaying what you owe? Exactly the same. Why make it sound like you are doing so many things when it truly is the fact that you OWE these things and you are merely making up for lost time? And you expect us to see you as doing things because you are such a great person. Come on. So silly. What ever it is, Just do not step on my toes. I know you do not like me just because you have a strong hatred for christians. Plus the fact i do not curry flavour you or share you thoughts and views cuz i have a mind of my own and that i am just being indifferent to how you feel about everything. Step on my toes and i will give you a piece of my mind. Never hear me talk to you? Well now you have it right in your face where you will regret that i never did open them. Im not going to be rude or blunt. Im going to be civil but definitely the words will make you realise how shallow you are and how all these while you have done really nothing at all. So please enough of the acting please all of you! I do have rights you know! And i can stay as long as i want anytime i want. So deal with it. And you know what by you being like this, its really does not bother me because i know you do not like me from the start and the amazing thing is that I DONT CARE! as in i really dont bother..=)

Another thing is about people who think that they are so much holier than thou kinda attitude. Smelly attitude i must say. I used to have streeks of gold in my hair and plus i have a crap face as well. And this so called brother cornered me and told me that if i were to be a leader in church one day, He would quit church. I was so heart broken and all. Knowing how much of a stumbling block i have been, i did repent and turn over a new leaf. Abandoning all worldly pleasures and things that would make me worldly like my precious ear studs and my hard liquer and all my wordly bad habits. Not that i regret giving all these things up, but they did satisfy the flesh and it was not really worth it and it still is not what i want also from now onwards. =)
But to hear someone say such horrible things to your face when all you want to do is to serve God, its really very hard to hear. It kinda makes you feel so useless. But that was a few years ago. And to think how you despise my youth and not only mine but ALL of OUR youth. Maybe thats why you treat your daughter like some kinda captive and prisoner in her own home. Could it be bacause you despise her and you believe just because she is young she is incapable of anything good and only capable of making mistakes and bad choices? It takes much courage to stand up to someone like that but it takes even more courage to not want to say anything for the Lord teaches us to hold our peace.

I just somehow realised that i have so many relatives and they are all quite sucky. All with bad attutide and all wanting to have self glory in all that they do. Always comparing and all. Sickening. Very sickening. But all i can do is to pray for them for i know i nothing as well, and the Lord has been merciful. Oh Lord forgive me for being judgemental when that was not what i intended it to be and cleanse me of my every secret sin. Help me to continue to shine for you. I have changed over the past year. For the better that is. And i can see how important our testimony is.

SO now back to the story. When will people stop acting and pretending to be someone they are truly not?? Perhaps when they realise that no one is watching anymore. Or would they?

Time is running out..

Time never waits for man. The longer we wait, the shorter the time we have left for anything else.

Its something like a reality show called "UNANIMOUS". The contestants had a million dollars on the table. And the only way they can all get out of the game and to escape all the terrifying tests and stunts in the show like sleeping on a nail bed or watching a scary movie and count the number of clowns, was for them to all vote for one person to walk away with the cash. The problem is that the amount of money drops at a constant rate and the longer they take the lesser of the 1 million bucks they will stand a chance to walk home with.

Our lives are slowly ticking away. Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, month by month (OK... you get the idea im sure). And we sometimes dont see that. We always think we have tomorrow to do what we ought to do today. For example, i have a practical exam to study for, which holds a certain weightage on my percentage for my final marks, and i just wasted the whole evening watching tv and watching gossip girl during advertisement segments. And now, im more or less a little worried. But by me posting this blog would actually caused me to procrastinate and perhaps study tomorrow and before i know it its going to be saturday morning and i will be standing infront of the tester not being able to answer the questions which im kinda over confident about as i do conduct strength training myself. HELP. Oh i pray for the Lord's mercy.....

Time is really running out and im not sure how long anyone can hold on for anything anymore. As vague and general and random as this may sound, its kinda true.. Like for my grandma (we call her Ah-Ho).. She is dying from terminal liver cancer and she is so thin, i do not even dare to hug her as im afraid my MUS-CLES (pronounced as MAS - KELS) might do her some harm. She has jaundice and she mumbles when she talks. The only thing i can do is to tell her in her ear how much i missed her and thought about her and how much i love her and also while being closely monitored on CCTV by my uncle who hates christ, how much she needs Jesus and to ask her to call upon HIM to profess him as Her Lord and personal saviour. Time is running out and we are always on standby. As strange as it may seem, although my grandma and i are close as we used to spend loads of time together, im feeling quite peaceful about the fact that she will be going soon. To heaven or hell, i really do not know. But the Lord knows her heart. But We knows shes too stubborn and she only believes in herself. Sighs. TIme is running out Ah-Ho!!! Call upon our Lord to save you before its TOOOOO late! We believe that our grandpa is in heaven too, ever since he passed on in 1990. He died with a smile. HOW amazing can that be! He cant be smiling if he saw the angel of DEATH or if he saw the fallen angels or if he had to face the Lord's JUDGEMENT!! So we believe he went to heaven and he's in the arms of Abraham even as we speak. Oh Lord have mercy on Ah-Ho.. we all love her so much..

Sometimes i wonder why my uncles and aunties do not want us to pray for her and for her to accept christ? THEY know that one can only go to heaven through CHRIST alone. So if they really loved her wun they also want her to go to heaven as well? So much for love right. So cliche. so conradicting. so sad.

Well time is ticking and we ought to check and examine ourselves. Do we have something we want to say to that special someone? Or even to our family memebers telling them how much we need and love them? Or apologising to a friend whom we have mistaken or to forgive one who had done wrong towards us? Tomorrow might be too late. What if we thought that things might not turn out to be what we expect them to be and we just wait for another day, or hour or minute or second? If might also be too late then. Even at this point of time im wondering whether i might get a chance to even post this. What if something happened to me just before i hit the publish button? Would you then regret not telling me? or apologising to me or something?! Then whenever you thought might be the ideal time might then be already tooooo late.. to late for regrets, too late for apology, to too late for a brand new beginning... Time is really running out and the worse part is that i detected 3 White strands of hair.. CRAP!

Speak when you're angry..

"Speak when you're angry & you'll make the best Speech you'll ever Regret."

This was used as one of my close friend's shoutout and i haven been seeing this line for at least the past two years. Wierd as it my seem this friend of mine doesent seem to want to change it. Saying it aloud really makes it sound true.

The other day we had a meeting in office and it suddenly turned out in a mini brawl. Just because someone wanted to talk and the other one just did not want to listen. And when i had to intervene and try to prevent any on coming "bombardments", i got the bullet, all because i said "Guys its just a misunderstanding....." and i was replied "ITS NOT A MISUNDERSTANDING".. sheesh.

Even today in the papers I read about making talking when you are angry and you kinda dont see the clear picture in any situation. As i think back of my younger days (im not that old), I kinda remember being pissed and angry ever so easily. I had a temper of a raging bull. Plus i have a "shit face" where everyone just looks at me and gets so irritated and just feel like punching me. And now as i look back, i feel so silly. Friendships has ended, relationships ended, hurt someone's feelings, took away what dignity was left of my victim, caused confusion, having someone made the centre of our mockery, smashed 6 telephones, caused a crack in my door, broken jaw to some poor kid. countless number of broken arms and joints and broken hearts as well. Arent we all guilty of that? Maybe not to such a certain degree as I. Nothing to be proud about as i was never given a trophy for accomplishing such stints.

Today i do look back at all the things i used to say to people and i truly regret all the nasty things i have said to people. Well one thing i did right was to tell it to their faces and not say it behind them, at least it makes me less of a hypocrite. But i kinda realise that they usually get hurt even more having it in their faces, sometimes its because the TRUTH really hurts. Ha.

So many thing on my mind and its seems so little time is left. I need a change of environment. I feel stagnated, stale, drained. I find no motivation in doing what i do best. I feel im losing my touch at what i started out 7 years ago. It like the sun light drained out all my "super powers". Maybe its time to try something new. Something fresh and do something i do best! Which is to talk. =) I do have the gift of the GAP. But ironically i kinda suck at talking to girls or hooking them up or even introducing myself. Most of the time i get my big foot in my mouth. Now i kinda see why when i get angry i say things which i really regret all the time. Well hopefully RP or ITE has a place for me to teach. I aspire to be an academia... as wierd as it may seem, i have used to have lotsa aspirations. Maybe i should just list them down. When i was small i wanted to be a fireman, a policeman, a pilot, a laywer, a forensic scientist, an undercover police dealing with drugs, and of course a beach bum driving around in my jeep with a huge dog wagging its tail in my face... =) If i ever tell this to my friends they might most probably laugh at me as no one really takes me seriously. I have no idea why but yah.

Well enough said. Just have to pray and ask the Lord for his guidance. And i thank HIM for every blessing bestowed upon me.. truly our Lord has been good to me, blessing me with great results, great friends, and always being there for me during my time of need... and im sure he will take care of me as he always has. =)

Just when i thought that......

Just when i thought that all would be over, you came along.
Just when i thought that nothing would ever make me happy, you came along.
Just when i thought all was not worth while anymore, you came along.
Just when i thought that no one would ever accept me for my imperfections, you came along.
Just when i thought i would never find comfort in anyone else. you came along.
Just when i thought life would be so meaningless, you came along.
Just when i thought i would never give it a second shot, you came along.
Just when i thought i would never find anyone i could love, you came along.
Just when i thought that being in love was silly and a waste of time, you came along.
Just when i thought no one would ever listen, you came along.
Just when i thought that no one would ever be so patient with me, you came along.
Just when i thought love never had a place for me , you came along.
Just when i thought no one would ever wipe away my tears, you came along.
Just when i thought no one would make me write songs again, you came along.
Just when i thought love would never be worth it all, you came along.

And now that you came along... im afraid that you will be gone.
And if you were to be gone, i know its all my fault.
Its just because i am me.

How do you answer a question like "AM I FAT"

AM I FAT?

This question is one of the most difficult question to ever answer. Frankly I for one have been a victim of such interrogation from my female friends and perhaps girlfriends or like once when the girl at the next table turned to ask me this same question which her bf could not answer. Too bad for her i was not her bf so i did not really care about what I was going to reply. So i just said "Since you asked, I think you should stop eating your second bowl of ice cream. Cuz its really trying to find space in there (pointing to her tummy)" .

Many a times we find ourselves caught in situations whereby we are cornered so much so that we have absolutely no choice but to answer. Before i begin, i have to say i am a "pro-feminist". =) Usually when girls ask you such questions, they already know if they themselves are truly fat and they just want to appease their ears by making someone tell them that they are not at all. Which ever way you choose to answer it, you still would not be spared from the next 20 minutes of nagging and self talk. Lets say if you say "No you are not, you look lovely"... she might most probably say "No lor, cannot be. Today i have eaten so much. u see here (points to her 'perceived' problem areas)" even though she has been assured by you and she knows that shes not as fat as she thinks. BUT if you ever say that she is fat or maybe just say, "I like you when you are a little chubbier" or "i like to have something to hold when i hug you", BOY are you in for lecture of your life.

So have you ever asked yourself why women/girls in general ask such questions? Does image really mean everything to them? What about inner beauty and character and personality? Do they really think we would not love them if they put on another ten kg? But then again.... would we love them still if they put on another 20? would we still love them if they looked like a huge pineapple? Would we still love them if we had to share a seat in the bus and we are only left with a little portion of the seat big enough to place a tenth of our bottom?? So what about true love and accpepting one for their imperfections? Issit true love or true LUST? Why have we as men become so shallow? Or have we been always this shallow?

Havent we been caught so many a times at looking or even stealing a glance at another female who is well endowed with nice legs and a nice tooshie? Have you asked yourself why dont we look at women who are round, saggy and squishy and all? What about inner beauty? I have this friend who is huge, and shes really huge. Like a rhino, BUT im not going to mention her name. However when you look at her and when you talk to her, you kinda forget how big she is for shes just so sweet in nature and you kinda see her inner beauty. Shes a great friend (till i lost contact willingly cuz it was hard to have her around at meals cuz she seems to have entendable arms which kinda find way into your plate to grab that last chicken wing or fries). But shes still nice and sweet.

Just a thought to think about. If the person we are so much in love with right now at this point of time is getting fatter by the moment and probably might become unrecognisable within a month, would we still love that person? Would we still look into thier eyes and tell them we love them with all our heart and soul and even by using our peripheral visision we can see thier fats all hanging out which seem to be the size of tree trunks and when we hug them we might be able to find our fingers on the opposite hands? ( OK to be fair this question does not apply to those whose gfs and wives are the sizes of rhinos. cuz im sure you definitey do.)

I for one know that I now base my choices on inner beauty rather than outer beauty, BUT outer beauty is still important to a certain degree. As contradicting as it may seem, i too do not want to wake up to a monster. Would you? Think about it. What if we were the ones to be Huge and look like elephants? Wouldnt we want someone to love us too? So From today onwards, those of you who are shallow, do some soul searching for one day you might be the one on the losing end.

(It might sound like im fat but I'm really kinda sexy. HAHA.)

If every thought cost a dollar, I would be a tycoon. Or would I?

When then would we learn....

When then would we learn that many things we do would some what have an adverse effect on someone else or something else to a certain extend. Do we even think about what the other party has to go through? Lets say parking outside a designated parking lot might cause someone else to not be able to find another parking lot, or leaving the tap on while soaping yourself might cause someone else to have not enough water in some other part of the world, or even picking your nose and leaving your booger stuck underneath some mrt seat or even maybe letting go of air when we really need to? See.. many things we do is for our own pleasure or rather for our own convenience, not bothering or giving two hoots about what someone else might experience or face, and most of the time, or rather all the time, we just seem to brush that particular thought aside. Not wanting to crack our brains or put ourselves into someone else's shoes.

Lets say having friends. Why do we even bother to make friends? Becuase we want benefits? because we have too much love in our hearts to share?? Dont we make friends so that we will not feel alone or insignificant at any given time or place? So that they can pray for us? So that they will remember our presence and be there for us when we are down? So that they can be our listening ear when we have so many things to unload from our hearts? So that we can get help when we need it? So that we can spend time with someone on a free weekend? So that we have someone to sit with in class? So that we can share notes and get help in our assignments? So that we can save money when we Pool our money to say go on a holiday? TO basically FILL OUR VOID which many of us choose not to see or even think about? Yes it really shows how selfish we are. Dont tell me we have friends because we have so much money and we love giving treats? Or we have all the time in the world to spare? Or we want to listen to every single problem he/she has to unload on us even if its the millionth time they are saying it?? Are we really that great and magnanimous? We are all human arent we. =) Not being skeptical but just opening the "box" for thinking.

We find love so that we would not spend our dying moments alone. So that we have a companion and a soul mate. So that we have someone to hold us when we need a hug. So that when we come home from a long day outside, we have someone there for us. So that they can make us smile, make us a cup of coffee, be there for us at any given time place or situation, being our pillar of strength, being our ray of hope. Well just to be there to love us and to accept us for all our imperfections, knowing how wretched we are and how imperfect our mannerisms may be. Dont you think so? Or do we find love because we want to love someone, because we want to be there for someone, becuase we want to make them smile, because we want to give them a massage when they are really tired while even we have worked our butt off the whole day with loads of work to complete, piles and piles of bills to pay, trying to make ends meet, after having it rough with our colleauges and friends, squeezing in the mrt and having someone to shove you around and step on your toes and worse of all fighting this spiritual battle??? Im not sure about you but i sure would do it for these reasons i just mentioned. But are we really that great or do we have hidden intentions that sin has caused us to have that WE ARE NOT EVEN AWARE ABOUT?

People say i think too much. Well i just say i have a creative and a hungry mind. Hungry for information, hungry for thought, hungry for answers, hungry for improvement, hungry for options. Meticulous and wierd as my thoughts may seem, It really issit. I think but i dont dream. I just like having more options and thinking ourside this little box that we have. So am i really thinking too much or are people not bothering to even think? Cuz they are so selfish and so sucked into their own little solar systems, where the whole world revolves around them? Not bothering about the consequences because somewhere someone somehow would just solve the problem for them? Well at least i know that when i become OLDER, i wont be suffering from ALZJIMER or having my brain cells slowly being eaten way by the abundance of time and the insufficient capabilities i have to do anything for myself. Wouldnt everyone be more caring and more loving and more thoughtful if we took time to think about what we say or what we do or what we want to do? Or would it just cause us to remain at a standstill and even having the possibility to lose all that we might have? Or would it give us more time to do things other than spend time unwisely like on blogs and what not? Or maybe make ourselves better lovers, companions or even children to our parents? Wont we be able to consider how others might feel before we even think of doing it?

See now u might find you dun think enough. Its time to reflect on the things we do. And how if by doing it differently in the past, we at this point of time might be just somewhere else, doing something else with someone else.

2 Cents worth.

The only reason WHY.....

The only reason why people blog is because they have no one to talk to.

This might come across as a really scary thought to a certain degree, for all of man kind need a form of companionship. Be it a frog, dog, cat, monkey, a loved one, or even to the extent of a picture of a person who would never appear before our eyes. As scary as it may seem, people vent their angers and thoughts on such means as blogs to express how they feel about things that have happened throughout thier day like a day in school or work or just because they have nothing else better to actually do. Sometimes they do get into trouble for posting stuff which are either insulting to another religion, race or even one's governing body.

In hope that some poor soul might stumble on upon thier blog, read it and feel either really sorry or perhaps emphatise with them on how they feel and in return, and to think that the bloggers themselves might find some form of comfort in that? As pathetic and pityful as this may seem to the vast majority, little does everyone know that everyone else might just be doing the same. Wallowing in their own pityful and sorrowful state. Scary issnt it?

Even at this very point of time, I myself might be just be doing that. Not for pity or empathy, not to vent on or even finding a "unloading zone" for all my trouble or weariness. So why Blog? Could it be because no one bothers to listen for all are selfish? Or could it be the cause of not being able to find the right words? U know that, this might just be the perfect example of "CATHARSIS". Go figure.