"Life is just a stage"

Im getting quite sick and tired of people having to act and pretend that they are something they're not.

Its sickening to walk into a room full of people who think they are so great just because they think they deserve some sort of respect. Its sickening to be in the presence of people who think that they are the only ones putting in effort and the only ones who care. Its sickening to listen to people boasting about how much they have done over the period of time and making everyone feel that they have not done enough for that someone or for that particular situation. Im sick of people pretending to be all so caring when time is drawing nigh. Im sick of people saying things about me when they themselves are such bums themselves (as i have just learnt from someone recently!!! juicy news!!!) Im just sick of pretenders and actors. Im sick of people who are not genuine.

Why make yourself sound so magnanimous by wanting to gain praises from all to somewhat "show" the world that you are such a great person who is so responsible and all. Come on. These are the things that you should have done in the first place and you did not do at all. Its something like you OWE them these things. Its like you Owe me a hundred bucks. And you pay me back monthly. Do you go round telling people "Eh this month i give him $1o to buy food know..." but in true fact you are repaying what you owe? Exactly the same. Why make it sound like you are doing so many things when it truly is the fact that you OWE these things and you are merely making up for lost time? And you expect us to see you as doing things because you are such a great person. Come on. So silly. What ever it is, Just do not step on my toes. I know you do not like me just because you have a strong hatred for christians. Plus the fact i do not curry flavour you or share you thoughts and views cuz i have a mind of my own and that i am just being indifferent to how you feel about everything. Step on my toes and i will give you a piece of my mind. Never hear me talk to you? Well now you have it right in your face where you will regret that i never did open them. Im not going to be rude or blunt. Im going to be civil but definitely the words will make you realise how shallow you are and how all these while you have done really nothing at all. So please enough of the acting please all of you! I do have rights you know! And i can stay as long as i want anytime i want. So deal with it. And you know what by you being like this, its really does not bother me because i know you do not like me from the start and the amazing thing is that I DONT CARE! as in i really dont bother..=)

Another thing is about people who think that they are so much holier than thou kinda attitude. Smelly attitude i must say. I used to have streeks of gold in my hair and plus i have a crap face as well. And this so called brother cornered me and told me that if i were to be a leader in church one day, He would quit church. I was so heart broken and all. Knowing how much of a stumbling block i have been, i did repent and turn over a new leaf. Abandoning all worldly pleasures and things that would make me worldly like my precious ear studs and my hard liquer and all my wordly bad habits. Not that i regret giving all these things up, but they did satisfy the flesh and it was not really worth it and it still is not what i want also from now onwards. =)
But to hear someone say such horrible things to your face when all you want to do is to serve God, its really very hard to hear. It kinda makes you feel so useless. But that was a few years ago. And to think how you despise my youth and not only mine but ALL of OUR youth. Maybe thats why you treat your daughter like some kinda captive and prisoner in her own home. Could it be bacause you despise her and you believe just because she is young she is incapable of anything good and only capable of making mistakes and bad choices? It takes much courage to stand up to someone like that but it takes even more courage to not want to say anything for the Lord teaches us to hold our peace.

I just somehow realised that i have so many relatives and they are all quite sucky. All with bad attutide and all wanting to have self glory in all that they do. Always comparing and all. Sickening. Very sickening. But all i can do is to pray for them for i know i nothing as well, and the Lord has been merciful. Oh Lord forgive me for being judgemental when that was not what i intended it to be and cleanse me of my every secret sin. Help me to continue to shine for you. I have changed over the past year. For the better that is. And i can see how important our testimony is.

SO now back to the story. When will people stop acting and pretending to be someone they are truly not?? Perhaps when they realise that no one is watching anymore. Or would they?

Time is running out..

Time never waits for man. The longer we wait, the shorter the time we have left for anything else.

Its something like a reality show called "UNANIMOUS". The contestants had a million dollars on the table. And the only way they can all get out of the game and to escape all the terrifying tests and stunts in the show like sleeping on a nail bed or watching a scary movie and count the number of clowns, was for them to all vote for one person to walk away with the cash. The problem is that the amount of money drops at a constant rate and the longer they take the lesser of the 1 million bucks they will stand a chance to walk home with.

Our lives are slowly ticking away. Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, month by month (OK... you get the idea im sure). And we sometimes dont see that. We always think we have tomorrow to do what we ought to do today. For example, i have a practical exam to study for, which holds a certain weightage on my percentage for my final marks, and i just wasted the whole evening watching tv and watching gossip girl during advertisement segments. And now, im more or less a little worried. But by me posting this blog would actually caused me to procrastinate and perhaps study tomorrow and before i know it its going to be saturday morning and i will be standing infront of the tester not being able to answer the questions which im kinda over confident about as i do conduct strength training myself. HELP. Oh i pray for the Lord's mercy.....

Time is really running out and im not sure how long anyone can hold on for anything anymore. As vague and general and random as this may sound, its kinda true.. Like for my grandma (we call her Ah-Ho).. She is dying from terminal liver cancer and she is so thin, i do not even dare to hug her as im afraid my MUS-CLES (pronounced as MAS - KELS) might do her some harm. She has jaundice and she mumbles when she talks. The only thing i can do is to tell her in her ear how much i missed her and thought about her and how much i love her and also while being closely monitored on CCTV by my uncle who hates christ, how much she needs Jesus and to ask her to call upon HIM to profess him as Her Lord and personal saviour. Time is running out and we are always on standby. As strange as it may seem, although my grandma and i are close as we used to spend loads of time together, im feeling quite peaceful about the fact that she will be going soon. To heaven or hell, i really do not know. But the Lord knows her heart. But We knows shes too stubborn and she only believes in herself. Sighs. TIme is running out Ah-Ho!!! Call upon our Lord to save you before its TOOOOO late! We believe that our grandpa is in heaven too, ever since he passed on in 1990. He died with a smile. HOW amazing can that be! He cant be smiling if he saw the angel of DEATH or if he saw the fallen angels or if he had to face the Lord's JUDGEMENT!! So we believe he went to heaven and he's in the arms of Abraham even as we speak. Oh Lord have mercy on Ah-Ho.. we all love her so much..

Sometimes i wonder why my uncles and aunties do not want us to pray for her and for her to accept christ? THEY know that one can only go to heaven through CHRIST alone. So if they really loved her wun they also want her to go to heaven as well? So much for love right. So cliche. so conradicting. so sad.

Well time is ticking and we ought to check and examine ourselves. Do we have something we want to say to that special someone? Or even to our family memebers telling them how much we need and love them? Or apologising to a friend whom we have mistaken or to forgive one who had done wrong towards us? Tomorrow might be too late. What if we thought that things might not turn out to be what we expect them to be and we just wait for another day, or hour or minute or second? If might also be too late then. Even at this point of time im wondering whether i might get a chance to even post this. What if something happened to me just before i hit the publish button? Would you then regret not telling me? or apologising to me or something?! Then whenever you thought might be the ideal time might then be already tooooo late.. to late for regrets, too late for apology, to too late for a brand new beginning... Time is really running out and the worse part is that i detected 3 White strands of hair.. CRAP!

Speak when you're angry..

"Speak when you're angry & you'll make the best Speech you'll ever Regret."

This was used as one of my close friend's shoutout and i haven been seeing this line for at least the past two years. Wierd as it my seem this friend of mine doesent seem to want to change it. Saying it aloud really makes it sound true.

The other day we had a meeting in office and it suddenly turned out in a mini brawl. Just because someone wanted to talk and the other one just did not want to listen. And when i had to intervene and try to prevent any on coming "bombardments", i got the bullet, all because i said "Guys its just a misunderstanding....." and i was replied "ITS NOT A MISUNDERSTANDING".. sheesh.

Even today in the papers I read about making talking when you are angry and you kinda dont see the clear picture in any situation. As i think back of my younger days (im not that old), I kinda remember being pissed and angry ever so easily. I had a temper of a raging bull. Plus i have a "shit face" where everyone just looks at me and gets so irritated and just feel like punching me. And now as i look back, i feel so silly. Friendships has ended, relationships ended, hurt someone's feelings, took away what dignity was left of my victim, caused confusion, having someone made the centre of our mockery, smashed 6 telephones, caused a crack in my door, broken jaw to some poor kid. countless number of broken arms and joints and broken hearts as well. Arent we all guilty of that? Maybe not to such a certain degree as I. Nothing to be proud about as i was never given a trophy for accomplishing such stints.

Today i do look back at all the things i used to say to people and i truly regret all the nasty things i have said to people. Well one thing i did right was to tell it to their faces and not say it behind them, at least it makes me less of a hypocrite. But i kinda realise that they usually get hurt even more having it in their faces, sometimes its because the TRUTH really hurts. Ha.

So many thing on my mind and its seems so little time is left. I need a change of environment. I feel stagnated, stale, drained. I find no motivation in doing what i do best. I feel im losing my touch at what i started out 7 years ago. It like the sun light drained out all my "super powers". Maybe its time to try something new. Something fresh and do something i do best! Which is to talk. =) I do have the gift of the GAP. But ironically i kinda suck at talking to girls or hooking them up or even introducing myself. Most of the time i get my big foot in my mouth. Now i kinda see why when i get angry i say things which i really regret all the time. Well hopefully RP or ITE has a place for me to teach. I aspire to be an academia... as wierd as it may seem, i have used to have lotsa aspirations. Maybe i should just list them down. When i was small i wanted to be a fireman, a policeman, a pilot, a laywer, a forensic scientist, an undercover police dealing with drugs, and of course a beach bum driving around in my jeep with a huge dog wagging its tail in my face... =) If i ever tell this to my friends they might most probably laugh at me as no one really takes me seriously. I have no idea why but yah.

Well enough said. Just have to pray and ask the Lord for his guidance. And i thank HIM for every blessing bestowed upon me.. truly our Lord has been good to me, blessing me with great results, great friends, and always being there for me during my time of need... and im sure he will take care of me as he always has. =)

Just when i thought that......

Just when i thought that all would be over, you came along.
Just when i thought that nothing would ever make me happy, you came along.
Just when i thought all was not worth while anymore, you came along.
Just when i thought that no one would ever accept me for my imperfections, you came along.
Just when i thought i would never find comfort in anyone else. you came along.
Just when i thought life would be so meaningless, you came along.
Just when i thought i would never give it a second shot, you came along.
Just when i thought i would never find anyone i could love, you came along.
Just when i thought that being in love was silly and a waste of time, you came along.
Just when i thought no one would ever listen, you came along.
Just when i thought that no one would ever be so patient with me, you came along.
Just when i thought love never had a place for me , you came along.
Just when i thought no one would ever wipe away my tears, you came along.
Just when i thought no one would make me write songs again, you came along.
Just when i thought love would never be worth it all, you came along.

And now that you came along... im afraid that you will be gone.
And if you were to be gone, i know its all my fault.
Its just because i am me.